Box of tools

A woman working with HIV advocacy once had a pamphlet which said “what do you do with your anger?” those words never left my mind have been in my head and tormenting me ever since. This was ages ago. The question really is how you channel your anger. Does it turn out to be destructive or can you find a way to actually transform it into something constructive and productive. I wish for the latter actually but always find myself having a tendency to self-destruct.

I am now an angry woman, angry because of all the wrong choices that I made in my life, angry because I have failed the people I loved most. The people I was entrusted by God to take care of, merely because I made decisions which felt good to me at the time. There is no manual on how to live a life of no regrets. If there was one the word mistakes would have a totally new meaning. The mistakes would be more deliberate then because you would have solutions in your hands. Your failure to apply would make the difference between the normal and not so gifted. But all this is wishful thinking isn’t. No such thing exists. Life is all trial and error.  

When people talk about wisdom coming with age, I do not know if that applies to all people. I don’t know if I am wiser now than I was ten years ago. I would like to argue that what age does is help you to fill a box fool of coping strategies which I choose to call my BOX OF TOOLS. Each experience equips you with a tool which hopefully will equip you with an ability to cope with similar experiences in the future. But for some reason you still are unable to cope with similar situations it would probably mean that you do know what you have in your box or you did not learn how to use the tools in it. Even if I know that I have learned to cope with most difficult situations I have found myself in so I have felt challenged when I have been put in settings that are less familiar to me.