How chronic illness has changed my life

Three Three and half years ago, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune condition. I hate chronic because it means that you are not sick enough to die but you are not well enough to function as a normal human being. I wake up every morning feeling ill. My entire body is sore. I feel like I have been run over by a truck or something. My mind however is fully functional, it wants to live as if this has not happened. My brain is in complete denial. Which does not really help because the pain is there and will not go away just because this brain refuses to register. The endless visits to the doctor, the lab, x-ray and MR scans have become a daily routine.  Who am I? before my disease started to define me. I was a happy middle aged woman, I am still hesitant about calling myself middle aged woman. Am only 51 now, when I was diagnosed I was 48 years old, a lady in my prime. I was enjoying life. Loads of friends, going on to fine places in town meeting interesting people.  After b

A woman working with HIV advocacy once had a pamphlet which said “what do you do with your anger?” those words never left my mind have been in my head and tormenting me ever since. This was ages ago. The question really is how you channel your anger. Does it turn out to be destructive or can you find a way to actually transform it into something constructive and productive. I wish for the latter actually but always find myself having a tendency to self-destruct. I am now an angry woman, angry because of all the wrong choices that I made in my life, angry because I have failed the people I loved most. The people I was entrusted by God to take care of, merely because I made decisions which felt good to me at the time. There is no manual on how to live a life of no regrets. If there was one the word mistakes would have a totally new meaning. The mistakes would be more deliberate then because you would have solutions in your hands. Your failure to apply would make the difference betwe