Let go and Let God move in
I was listening to sermon by an SDA preacher talking about how we become imprisoned by our pattern of behavior. How we don´t learn from our previous mistakes. We get caught up in wanting to break even with people who have hurt us, we continue making wrong choices and the pattern does not change. With the amount of pain that i have had. I have felt trapped in a body which I can move as i want to. My mind is sound except for the times when I am so drugged that i do not even know my name or where i am. Its a choice of immense pain or this euphoria. When people look at me they cannot even envision what i feel. Any slight move in any direction feels like either a blow to my body with a baseball bat or a knife wound. Every time i complain people look at me like I am crazy. They can not see what i am feeling. My body is being eaten from inside.
When it comes to let go and let God. I am thinking more in terms of what are the factors that i can influence. How can i change my behavior to help me live a much less stressful life. If with all the stuff that are going on inside my body i have other factors outside my body which are making me sick. I need to let go and let God take charge. I start looking at my work situation. I am not working full time because the medicine make me tired and the commute to work is too physically stressful for me. I have finally made changes in the kind of relationships i have. I have managed to get rid of a toxic relationship. The fact the person has physically left my environment does not mean i finally have peace of mind. I need to heal and this healing has to come from inside. I have to feel safe and not still try to find approval from the same people who have hurt me.
When i look back at what got me in that same relationship and i realize that its the same behavior of wanting to please people. I surround myself with people who need something from me and i want them to realize that i am a good person for helping them. When my worth is over for them, then they move on leaving me with a feeling of having been used. I am angry with people for not appreciating every thing i have done for them. The question is why do i even think this appreciation is important. These people do not force me into helping them, but i seem to have a need of being appreciated by the wrong people. I need to change my pattern of behavior. I need to let go and not even hold grudges. I should not even beat myself up for that lack of appreciation. I need to let go and let God take charge of my life.
Dear Lord take charge of my life. Help me make the choices that are healthy for me. Help me change my pattern of behavior and embrace those things that are good for me. I have a lot of good and loving people around me. While i have been consumed in this self destructive behavior i have neglected those who really need and appreciate me
When it comes to let go and let God. I am thinking more in terms of what are the factors that i can influence. How can i change my behavior to help me live a much less stressful life. If with all the stuff that are going on inside my body i have other factors outside my body which are making me sick. I need to let go and let God take charge. I start looking at my work situation. I am not working full time because the medicine make me tired and the commute to work is too physically stressful for me. I have finally made changes in the kind of relationships i have. I have managed to get rid of a toxic relationship. The fact the person has physically left my environment does not mean i finally have peace of mind. I need to heal and this healing has to come from inside. I have to feel safe and not still try to find approval from the same people who have hurt me.
When i look back at what got me in that same relationship and i realize that its the same behavior of wanting to please people. I surround myself with people who need something from me and i want them to realize that i am a good person for helping them. When my worth is over for them, then they move on leaving me with a feeling of having been used. I am angry with people for not appreciating every thing i have done for them. The question is why do i even think this appreciation is important. These people do not force me into helping them, but i seem to have a need of being appreciated by the wrong people. I need to change my pattern of behavior. I need to let go and not even hold grudges. I should not even beat myself up for that lack of appreciation. I need to let go and let God take charge of my life.
Dear Lord take charge of my life. Help me make the choices that are healthy for me. Help me change my pattern of behavior and embrace those things that are good for me. I have a lot of good and loving people around me. While i have been consumed in this self destructive behavior i have neglected those who really need and appreciate me
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