Things on my chest

When you wake up and only half your body is functioning. That is a scary feeling. I went to see a new GP because I have been unhappy with the clinic I was going to after they questioned me about an injection my rheumatologists recommended. They treated me like a drug junkie. I was told I would have to pay for the injection and it cost an equivalent of a whole 15 pounds. I am not unemployed, I work full time despite my non functional body. Yet there I was being patronized by nurses and one stupid doctor at that my old clinic. I was livid. So the next day when my mind had settled and worked really hard with finding the right words to tell the doctor. I picked up the phone and went through well thought out list of things that he did and how they made me feel as a patient. I did not put it as kindly as I am trying to make it sound today.

A few days later I registered with another clinic hoping for better treatment. The first two visits were fine. I was struck though by the doctors inability to hear me. He kept talking and talking about how our African bodies are trying to cope with the Nordic climate. Upon my third visit he made a point to remind me that my weight was partly to blame for how I was feeling. I had problems with falling asleep. I could go to bed and lay awake for hours and that of course was a source of serious stress as I had to wake up the day after and take the long commute to my place of work feeling completely exhausted due to lack of adequate sleep.

Now in my layman mind, I was wondering what the connection between weight and insomnia was. I have a chronic disease and the medication I take to help keep me afloat cause weight gain. I had expected the doctor to know that. I felt abused. It was as if he was actually injecting me with an overdose of cortisone and methotrexate. I laughed and walked away feeling awful. I went and collected the new medication that he had prescribed and these made me feel even worse. First day I took the medication, they gave a weird feeling in my body which literally kept me awake all night pacing around the my bed.

But through all this I find something to make me laugh. Laughter is so important for the soul I think. I want to keep laughing and find out if it has that healing effect people are always talking about