How chronic illness has changed my life

When you wake up and only half your body is functioning. That is a scary feeling. I went to see a new GP because I have been unhappy with the clinic I was going to after they questioned me about an injection my rheumatologists recommended. They treated me like a drug junkie. I was told I would have to pay for the injection and it cost an equivalent of a whole 15 pounds. I am not unemployed, I work full time despite my non functional body. Yet there I was being patronized by nurses and one stupid doctor at that my old clinic. I was livid. So the next day when my mind had settled and worked really hard with finding the right words to tell the doctor. I picked up the phone and went through well thought out list of things that he did and how they made me feel as a patient. I did not put it as kindly as I am trying to make it sound today. A few days later I registered with another clinic hoping for better treatment. The first two visits were fine. I was struck though by the doctors inab

This morning when I woke up, the little girl that had slept beside me told me that "mamma when you sleep you make noises as if you are in a lot of pain". I looked at her and thought how she might have felt to have spent a night with a woman whose every movement feels like a blade cutting through the flesh. My hips hurt, my fingers hurt, knees and sometime I have a persistent dry cough that would not go away. My mouth feels as if it is filled with cotton wool which sucks the every twinkle of saliva that the body tries to produce. I wake every hour to drink the water that i strategically place by bedside every single night. My life was not always like this. I had a lot of days when I did not even know what pain was except the times I got headaches from having too much fun. I do not feel sorry for myself as self pity does not get any one anywhere. If I decided to feel sorry for myself that would be the end of my life, I would feel defeated. I would give up living. What holds m

I strongly believe in a human being is holistic entity. If any part of my body is stressed out for some reason, then the remainder of my body is affected. I feel so much better now when the healing  process has started. Not all the advise that people give you is wrong. I was watching a Netflix show about how our eating habit escalate the progress of your illness. I have tried to stay away from certain foods, but it is easier said than done. The program advises people to live on a plant diet. Plant diet as healthy as it may sound is the most boring there is. The expert on that same show pinpoint that the strongest animal in the jungle is an elephant and it is vegetarian. Well that argument almost convinced me until i reflected on the saying that says that you do not miss me what you do not know. The elephant as strong as it might seem, has never tasted meat, therefore does not have any craving for it either. I was brought up in the southern part of Zambia, we are well known for being a

I was listening to sermon by an SDA preacher talking about how we become imprisoned by our pattern of behavior. How we don´t learn from our previous mistakes. We get caught up in wanting to break even with people who have hurt us, we continue making wrong choices and the pattern does not change. With the amount of pain that i have had. I have felt trapped in a body which I can move as i want to. My mind is sound except for the times when I am so drugged that i do not even know my name or where i am. Its a choice of immense pain or this euphoria. When people look at me they cannot even envision what i feel. Any slight move in any direction feels like either a blow to my body with a baseball bat or a knife wound. Every time i complain people look at me like I am crazy. They can not see what i am feeling. My body is being eaten from inside. When it comes to let go and let God. I am thinking more in terms of what are the factors that i can influence. How can i change my behavior to help

Today ,  there   was  a program on television  about  a  young  lady  who   was   overweight  and  she   was  desperate to  lose  the  weight  and  did  not  want  to go  through  the  pains   of   dieting  or  exercise . The moment  she   mentioned   that   she   did  not  want  to  actually  do  something  to  lose  the  weight  my gut  knew   that  the solution  she   would   choose   would  get  her   into   trouble . The solution  she  chose  was  to get an operation, the  price  for  such  an operation  was  6500 dollars an  amount   she   did  not  have . To  cut  the long story short  she   found   some   one   who   needed   help  to import  drugs  from South  American   into  the United States.  She   of   course  got  caught  and  spent  23  months  in  prison .   Why  is  this  short story  relevant  to my  life .  What   are  the  parallel   can  I  draw  or  lessons  from it. I  have   been   thinking   that  all the  weight   gained  from  medication   could